People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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