my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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