i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
