Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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