cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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