pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize