This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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