i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
