kristin has been a bad kristin
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
