Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
