I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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