I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
