I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
