idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
