maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He shit in the fireplace
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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