If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need a beard to bite.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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