question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
