I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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