i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
