i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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