And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
