She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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