So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
