I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
