he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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