Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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