just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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