all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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