I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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