my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
