my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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