i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
