If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
