I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
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I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
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And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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