I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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