My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
