Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
