I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
there is puke in my bra ... again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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