I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
