wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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