I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
