Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
