I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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