Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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