So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
