I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm too high and old for this...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
