Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
