It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I need moral support for this bender
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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