playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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