This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
