you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
