Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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