I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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