By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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