she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
