He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
