Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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