after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
