Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
only you would photoshop your dick
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
