I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
