my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
