Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Come on in and take your pants off
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