Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
