so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
