Tell her she can't have a vagina
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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